Posts Tagged ‘twitter’

“140 Ways To Tweet Another” by Rick London c2011… Sung To The Tune Of Paul Simon’s “50 Ways To Leave Your Lover”

February 16, 2011

Paul Simon (Click To Enlarge)

Too Much Twitter Information (Click To Enlarge) by Londons Times

 

My laptop & me are under the goose down on my bed,

I take a sip of some bitter green tea.

My choices Twitter or AOL News,

Before deciding I get up & go pee,

I choose Twitter see a few con artists & a drug smuggler,

And a life coach offering an amazing Ebook publishing lessons for almost free,

There must be 140 ways,

Whoops here comes an iconoclastic business sabateur

Says he’d like to serve us if we weren’t so morally unfit,

And quite rude,

I posted my site link will it land on Google or Bing?

If it stays on Twitter then then for sure I’m screwed,

I guess I have arrived….Now have more followers than self-help books on my shelf

So much Twitter drama is there ever not a feud?

There must be 140 ways to tweet another,

I’m not a celeb, and don’t know @JustinBeiber & not his brother,

I’m not @Glennbeck or Tommy Smothers

[CHORUS:]

Enter Twitter stage left a few wanna be PR flacks,

And a few running male enhancement scams,

Some usual suspects sharing bathroom habits that annoy,

Another paid trending topic by @IMDiddy.

A wannabe film critic telling me Ishtar is “a must”

A New England counselor insisting I’m using Twitter as a crutch,

Giving me a cyber-diagnosis for free,

And some more bourgeoisie.

Some there are bitter, others sweet as Bordeaux.

That some have no IQ has been clearly preordained.

Do you have money or social influence a cyber-philantrophist needs you, handing out cheap cards & a crash course in kung fu.

He’ll meet you at a Hyatt bar for tweet up but his debit card is declined again

But there’s time to chat,

About a charity of financial gain,

Or type 140 ways to tweet another.

 

In case you don’t know what is wrong,

From what is right,

Don’t smoke and claim to be green,

Or attend @GreenExpo drinking a Sprite.

But use highbrow words like “Chi”,

Don’t let too many know if  you lean left or right,

Because there’s 140 ways to

tweet another.

Find the facebook status has changed from “engaged”  to “looking” on the page of your (former) lover.

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In addition to being a songwriter, Rick London founded the #1 ranked offbeat cartoon on the Internet Londons Times Cartoons and its peripheral funny gift shops.  He also founded the world’s only famous love quote shoes, ShoesThatAmuse.com.  He and his wife designer/photographer Lee Hiller-London enjoy animals, hiking and nature.  She has her own wildlife/nature blog, Hike Our Planet.

“Twitter” Parody Song by Rick London c2010 To Tune Of “Money” Pink Floyd

March 10, 2010

For my Love/DF @LeeHiller

Pink Floyd Another Time, But We Still Love Them

Twitter, Play or Flay,
Midnight In The Garden Of Good & Evil On Monitor Display.
Listen, its not Ebay.

Twitter, answer before your browser crashes,
You could be labeled a non-response snob with no

MY D/F Love @LeeHiller (And It may sound funny, but she's gonna get her money back! A doo doo doo doo doo doo...

following or fans,

200,000 followers might be time to clean an extreme Twitter Stream,
Someone just RT’d me with the Hawaii 5-0 theme,

Danno got the money back
But not before someone hacked my Twitter profile,
Keep your hands off her stash CNN-Tech Guru, Uh oh, here comes a “Cap Attack”.

My honey, she got hit,
But she got right up from the mat,
And “the player” doesn’t know but he’s oon be laying flat.

We have this fidelity,
Boring pay our bills no debt,
A newspaper from Nepal asks me if “I have any regrets”.

The Nepal News

(Sax and guitar solos)

Tis the right seasonings, its about thyme,
See my fair @Lee
But don’t take a slice of that pie.

My honey, was at Ebay,
Is the Internet’s Dr. Eveel,
Now she has her own brand here to stay.

Twitters a great place 4 monthly lifetime ties,
If nothing else it proves that life’s unfair,
Piper must be paid,
A MidSummer’s Day,
A sewerage Day,
Or a Spiritual Bouquet,
Twitters here to stay.
A Salute to Ev and Biz,
We know them to be very bright and alright.

A Princess Shines At The Oscars (Our Kathy Ireland)!!!!


Biz & Ev Brainstorming At Twitter (So we'll be nervous)

One Princess at Oscars Red Carpet got a deliberate slight,
The princess gave a designer jewelry left hook & Governor’s Ball smashing blow & super high rankings (and had just help renew/rebuild lives in Haiti)… some nuts at keyboards are cruisin’ for a bruisin.
“Yeah!”
Whey do some forget to think,
I know, they are really drunk all of the time.
Why he wasn’t coming up on freely, after Lee was twittering in CAPS and
Screaming and telling him why he wasn’t coming up on freely.
It came as a heavy blow, but others to his surprise, will sort the matter out.

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Aside from being a parody songwriter Rick London is founder of the Internet’s #1 offbeat cartoon, Londons Times.  He also founded the world’s only famous love quote shoes, ShoesThatAmuse.com, and is a fashion brand designer for actress/author Mariel Hemingway Collectibles. Rick owns numerous licensed image cartoon collectible shops that sell tees, cards, mugs etc featuring his “out there” cartoons.

“Hotel California” Parody “Life Coaches They Don’t Warn Ya” Parody Song By Rick London c2009

August 26, 2009

“Hotel California” Parody “Life Coaches Let Me Warn Ya” Parody by Rick London c2009

twitter 1 life coach used car salesman

For My DF: Lee Hiller


I was tweeting one day, saw what could be a snare
Life coaches planning toxic tweet-ups, with big bucks & visualization prayers

With shimmering books and pricey videos, Free info any minister would give at first sight,
Said the way I was living, was just a big sin,

Salvation via The Life Coach Way, & I would see the light.But all they offer is free on Wiki,

Or the Bible on the shelf,

They still said their colorfully package paraphernalia would,
Help me avoid the highway to hell.
These self-absorbed bandits, said they’d show me the way,
Just by focusing on desires I adored,
And clean out my un-spiritual cache.

twitter 1 life coach ambition poster 2222

There’s life coaches on Twitter, don’t say I didn’t warn ya,
A forced smiling face,
A trespass on the case,
There’s life coaches on Twitter, don’t say I didn’t warn ya,
They’ll instill some fear,
Their “gift’s” no Frankincense and Myrrh

And then once you’re enlisted, the grin turns into shark fins,
But wait this one says she speaks for God, so she says with a grin,
Misleading maneuvers in the background, but Twitter icon silhouette,
Just know she’ll take you for everything, or at least all she can get.
twitter 1 life coach leadership poster
So I called on my God, who lives within,
But the coach said that I needed more and asked me not to whine,
Packaged information I could get for free was only $4999.
And her snake oil was brewing like a garlic bouquet,
Motivational mantras just a little trite,
Throw in some ancient cliches’

Life coaches only want adornment from ya,
Compliment their lovely face (and their Twitter follow-base,
They are on the take.
Purveyin’ information allegedly as mystical as Ka,
But it’s only lies, Only lies
twitter 1 life coach success posterShould be criminalized

Ruffled as a spurious wing,
Instincts say “Please think twice”,
Before becoming a prisoner, of a transparent rhetorical device,
In hopes no money transfers,
To this unemployed leech,
They would sell their mothers, kids, and wives,
With an Elmer Gantry speech.

At last I remembered, I have equal protection of the laws,
Have always coached my own life before,
Not paying cash for this “verbal crack”,
From a condescending bore,
The best wisdom and advice from man,
And programs free to receive.
Life Coaches go down the Twitter pike,
Causing one to heave….

twitter 1 life coach snl character

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Rick London is a writer and entrepreneur. In 1997, London founded what is now (since 2005) Google’s #1-ranked offbeat cartoon . He later went on to launch Shoes That Amuse, the only footwear featuring famous love quotations. He is the designer for Mariel Hemingway licensed gifts and collectibles. He is engaged to HeralddeParis love columnist Lee Hiller and together they own the professional SEO, Branding & Professional Web Design Firm  PenAndInkInc.

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“Some Tweets May Cause Strife” by Rick London c2009) To Beatles “A Day In The Life”

August 22, 2009


For my DF Lee Hiller

beatles fine fine fine 9999999I saw a tweet today, Oh boy. A Dorothy Parker-wannabe with no shades of gray.

Then comes a link to a start-up  launching pad,
Some breast enlargement scheme claiming not to be another fad
Someone gossiped claiming who was good and who was  riff-raff….


These DM’s can get quite bizarre,
Some even cross the line of being deranged….
Why must I know whose having an affair?
And then they wonder why I block or ignore,
Come and go as fast as an Edsel Ford.

Another “Life Coach” aka unemployed

Purveying “wisdom” that condescends & degrades,
And in real life they borrow steal and beg.
All the while #quoting gems from The Good Book
Enabling followers to self-aggrandize to their cyber-throne

I clicked my mouse and went to facebook instead,
Not Twitter excitement but at least it was not dead

Then left my PC just to tidy up,
Went back to facebook but it was abate,
Not much noise but a place to chat,
On board were several adults and several MySpace brats,
Posted a few puns, but no one got the joke,
I’m not at all surprised what appears on my monitor’s screen,
Bah.

fail whale
Several Social network veterans looking for their prey,
So I went back to Twitter with throttle in full gear.
A few #quotes from Emerson and the Apostle Paul,
Then so much spam it felt like a strip mall,
But in my living room so without the urban sprawl,
Someone said they’d follow me if I was well-known.

(Repeat Chorus)

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Rick London is a writer and entrepreneur. His cartoon “Londons Times” has been the #1 ranked offbeat cartoon (Google rankings) since 2005. His website was founded in 1997 and has received over 8.5 million visitors since 2005. He founded Shoes That Amuse, the world’s only famous love quote shoes. He owns numerous funny gift shops bearing with gifts and collectibles bearing his offbeat cartoon images. He is the designer of actress Mariel Hemingway brand of licensed products. He is co-founder of PenAndInkInc an professional web design, branding and SEO firm which he founded with his fiancé’ Lee Hiller who is the love advice columnist of Herald de Paris.

“The Twitter Song” (To the tune of “American Pie”) by Rick London c2009

August 13, 2009
American Pie Cartoon

American Pie Cartoon

The Twitter Song: The Day The Retweets Died” (To the tune of Don McClean’s “American Pie”)

by Rick London c2009

Dedicated to my DF Lee Hiller

A techno wiz-kid with a mind of dough,
Thought up this thing “Twitter”,
And investors said it “was worthwhile”.
Now millions daily at PC’s in a trance,
Twitter keeping Biz Stone financed,
And impress the masses and beguile.

What facebook promised Twitter delivered,
MySpace sits still while it shivers,
Waiting for a misstep
How could 140 be so in-depth?

Social networks I had tried,
An empty vacuum my words did ride,
2000 followers and its too hard to hide,
Twitter’s Alexa rankings can’t be denied.

So Twitter quietly slip-slided by,
One can tweet with high speeds
Drinking chamomile tea,
A new network evolves with every trick that’s been tried,
Bringing half-truths and full lies,
Gotta give ’em credit for tryin’.

Did you retweet my quote on “love”?,
Or my tweet on God above?
Is your following about to grow?
Have you encountered fail-whale throes?
Has a Life Coach saved your mortal soul.
Can you teach me how to tweet like a pro?

On Twitter Kabbalah’s mighty “in”,
. But don’t preach to me with just prelims,
You might make me just snooze,
With your zealot “spiritual” ruse.

I would prefer to not upchuck,
If you think its a pick up bar you’re outta luck,

But if it quacks like a duck,
It’s the day, the retweets died.

Whats Twitter bringing?
. Twitters like Mom and Apple Pie,
There’s no taxes that are levied,
Government won’t even try,
Ploys don’t last long on the Twitter ride,
But real business surely does a fine job,
Stick with them and you won’t get robbed.

You can even tweet now from your phone,

Again courtesy of our friend Biz Stone,
But it causes a bit of agony,
And as the icons roll down the screen,
It feels like TweetDeck’s about to scream,
But there you’ll find something to retweet.

Twitter services crop up with Twits renown,
And weird maneuvering goes to town,
Did you join a bad network, an ill turn?
Or did you just get burned?
Someone tweeted a remark,
A conversation then was sparked,
Cyber-animals on Noah’s Ark,
The day, the retweets died.

We were pinging,
Our blogs and things to catch others eyes,
We’re all separated by 6 degrees,
In 140 characters you replied,
Don’t you wonder what it was they implied?
. As you float away like Captain Bligh,
This is just the way retweets die.

An obscure “agent” comes to woo her,
An author with a best-seller for sure,
Saturating Google & Hollywood starts to cast.
. The book shattered like broken glass,
The agent tried for yet another free pass,
With a final tweet of blocked and passed.

Now the budding Twitterers were all abloom,
. Not giving away the farm too soon,
No annuities in advance.
The “agent” didn’t stand a chance.
Such oddities one tweet reveals,
Alas nobody paid the bill,
Do you recall drama stood still?
The day her retweets died.

And she was pinging,
. I’m back at facebook but I surely did try,
I thought Twitter liked me,
But my following dried,
While CNN and Ashton moved high,
Was the same day my retweets died,
I turned off the pc and cried.

Oh, and I even considered back to MySpace,
But would have been a generation out of place,
Another funky icon with a grin,
So Twitter softly, carry a big stick,
But twitter something in your niche,
Cause nobody knows quite where you’ve been.

When I unfollowed I watched him in a rage,
I sat there twittering so unfazed,
On Twitter con games one can tell,
Not even searching the Holy Grail.
And as the tweets went into the night,
Spammers pitched DM’s in delight,
Lovers tweeted and got it right,
The day, the retweets died.

He was pinging,
Twitter till your fingers run dry,
Twitter helps you be all that you can be.
Retweets are mighty fine.
Twitterers from here to Nepal had their eyes on the prize,
Pinging blogs with backlinks on the side,
Pinging blogs, that took us for a ride.

I met a girl when I was blue,
She said my profile background was not happy news,
I just frowned and said “another day”.
But she told me the real score,
The rest of the tale is not folklore,
And I’ll love her ’till the end of my days.

And in the tweets our love it screams,
As we slide down the current of Twitstream,
We didn’t fix the unbroken,
. The church bells were our token,
And the social network I admire the most,
Gives me 140 characters at most,
No room to embellish or boast,
. Twitters such a great ride.

And some are pinging,
I’ve got a blog for your eyes,
Can’t you be there with me
Nothing’s for free ya know I cannot lie.
And half of them goods are just pie in the sky,
But you know you don’t have to reply,
. Just tweet forward with a bright eye.

My ears were ringing,
My, my, another twitterer cries,
Someone blocked and abandoned me,
But its ok I’ll stay in denial,
May fix the pain with some whiskey and rye,
. With my fingers on the keyboard till I die.

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Rick London is a writer, cartoonist, and entrepreneur. He founded Google’s #1 ranked offbeat cartoon, Londons times and many of its peripheral funny gift shops. He also is a songwriter.