Posts Tagged ‘twitter humor’

“140 Ways To Tweet Another” by Rick London c2011… Sung To The Tune Of Paul Simon’s “50 Ways To Leave Your Lover”

February 16, 2011

Paul Simon (Click To Enlarge)

Too Much Twitter Information (Click To Enlarge) by Londons Times

 

My laptop & me are under the goose down on my bed,

I take a sip of some bitter green tea.

My choices Twitter or AOL News,

Before deciding I get up & go pee,

I choose Twitter see a few con artists & a drug smuggler,

And a life coach offering an amazing Ebook publishing lessons for almost free,

There must be 140 ways,

Whoops here comes an iconoclastic business sabateur

Says he’d like to serve us if we weren’t so morally unfit,

And quite rude,

I posted my site link will it land on Google or Bing?

If it stays on Twitter then then for sure I’m screwed,

I guess I have arrived….Now have more followers than self-help books on my shelf

So much Twitter drama is there ever not a feud?

There must be 140 ways to tweet another,

I’m not a celeb, and don’t know @JustinBeiber & not his brother,

I’m not @Glennbeck or Tommy Smothers

[CHORUS:]

Enter Twitter stage left a few wanna be PR flacks,

And a few running male enhancement scams,

Some usual suspects sharing bathroom habits that annoy,

Another paid trending topic by @IMDiddy.

A wannabe film critic telling me Ishtar is “a must”

A New England counselor insisting I’m using Twitter as a crutch,

Giving me a cyber-diagnosis for free,

And some more bourgeoisie.

Some there are bitter, others sweet as Bordeaux.

That some have no IQ has been clearly preordained.

Do you have money or social influence a cyber-philantrophist needs you, handing out cheap cards & a crash course in kung fu.

He’ll meet you at a Hyatt bar for tweet up but his debit card is declined again

But there’s time to chat,

About a charity of financial gain,

Or type 140 ways to tweet another.

 

In case you don’t know what is wrong,

From what is right,

Don’t smoke and claim to be green,

Or attend @GreenExpo drinking a Sprite.

But use highbrow words like “Chi”,

Don’t let too many know if  you lean left or right,

Because there’s 140 ways to

tweet another.

Find the facebook status has changed from “engaged”  to “looking” on the page of your (former) lover.

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In addition to being a songwriter, Rick London founded the #1 ranked offbeat cartoon on the Internet Londons Times Cartoons and its peripheral funny gift shops.  He also founded the world’s only famous love quote shoes, ShoesThatAmuse.com.  He and his wife designer/photographer Lee Hiller-London enjoy animals, hiking and nature.  She has her own wildlife/nature blog, Hike Our Planet.

“Some Tweets May Cause Strife” by Rick London c2009) To Beatles “A Day In The Life”

August 22, 2009


For my DF Lee Hiller

beatles fine fine fine 9999999I saw a tweet today, Oh boy. A Dorothy Parker-wannabe with no shades of gray.

Then comes a link to a start-up  launching pad,
Some breast enlargement scheme claiming not to be another fad
Someone gossiped claiming who was good and who was  riff-raff….


These DM’s can get quite bizarre,
Some even cross the line of being deranged….
Why must I know whose having an affair?
And then they wonder why I block or ignore,
Come and go as fast as an Edsel Ford.

Another “Life Coach” aka unemployed

Purveying “wisdom” that condescends & degrades,
And in real life they borrow steal and beg.
All the while #quoting gems from The Good Book
Enabling followers to self-aggrandize to their cyber-throne

I clicked my mouse and went to facebook instead,
Not Twitter excitement but at least it was not dead

Then left my PC just to tidy up,
Went back to facebook but it was abate,
Not much noise but a place to chat,
On board were several adults and several MySpace brats,
Posted a few puns, but no one got the joke,
I’m not at all surprised what appears on my monitor’s screen,
Bah.

fail whale
Several Social network veterans looking for their prey,
So I went back to Twitter with throttle in full gear.
A few #quotes from Emerson and the Apostle Paul,
Then so much spam it felt like a strip mall,
But in my living room so without the urban sprawl,
Someone said they’d follow me if I was well-known.

(Repeat Chorus)

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Rick London is a writer and entrepreneur. His cartoon “Londons Times” has been the #1 ranked offbeat cartoon (Google rankings) since 2005. His website was founded in 1997 and has received over 8.5 million visitors since 2005. He founded Shoes That Amuse, the world’s only famous love quote shoes. He owns numerous funny gift shops bearing with gifts and collectibles bearing his offbeat cartoon images. He is the designer of actress Mariel Hemingway brand of licensed products. He is co-founder of PenAndInkInc an professional web design, branding and SEO firm which he founded with his fiancé’ Lee Hiller who is the love advice columnist of Herald de Paris.