Archive for the ‘yoga’ Category

Life Coach’s Are Rats (by Rick London c2009) Sung to Al Stewart’s “Year Of The Cat”

December 26, 2009

For my  DF/Love Lee Hiller

Good Kitty

On the morning of a life coach program the entrance fee is free,
The jest of the speech is material accumulation and a myriad of slime,
At the end of the program $5000 packaged programs and you’re sorry,
Feeling an accessory to a crime.

She comes out from backstage with fake Rolex so stunning,
Thinking the audience has no brains,
Then she wonders why on Twitter that she shunned,
She’ll mutter something about Newton’s inertia reference frame,
But she smells like a rat.

She only has a sec for questions,
And prefers Mastercard or bank transfers,
She counts on you to be dense with no direction,
Till your bank balance disappears.

Fear Of The Rat

You later find better advice on public bathroom stalls,
And you realize like so many others you’ve been screwed,
The BS was so thick you could cut it with a knife,
So you sip another brew,
Cheers to the year of the rat.

Well she counts her cash so cruely,
Smiling like another Macy’s shopping spree,
Your migraine now is grueling,
So you tweet her, but her only answer is snide,
I can’t help being a rat.

Well the morning comes and you’d like to believe her,
But the bozos on that bus are gone.
You’d like to form a group and start a line of pickets,
But the life coach took all their funds.

Lots Are Becoming Life Coaches Yes Even Danny Bonaduci

You try to think back at a filthier stain,
But the life coach leaves a permanent decay,
Repackaged ancient wisdom is the game she lives for.
They make Michael Madoff seem okay,
To a life coach you’re a doormat.

————————————————————————————————————–

Rick London is a writer, designer and cartoonist. He founded and creates Londons Times Cartoons, the nets #1 ranked offbeat cartoon. He launched Shoes That Amuse, the world’s only famous love quote shoes which have been featured in media worldwide. He has written over 650 published magazine articles and is brand designer for Mariel Hemingway Healthy Gifts.  His funny gift stores contain over 70,000 funny tees funny mugs and other funny gifts such as LT Superstore and Rick London Collection.  London is engaged to designer Lee Hiller who designs and sells unique gifts at her online store.

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“Gluten” by Rick London Sung To “Something” by The Beatles

November 16, 2009

Gluten” Parody Song by Rick London c2009
 To The Tune Of “Something” by The Beatles

                            Dedicated to my DF Lee Hiller whom I love. Also
                            dedicated to our true friend Mariel Hemingway who cared
                             enough to educate us back to a healthy lifestyle.



beatles  tall 3333

Gluten-Free Beatles

    Gluten's put in food so starch will be removed,  A Latin word for “glue” & try to recover,
 It has prolamins to give you celiac disease
   You could use a box of Blisscuits now,
      So you don't lose your entire Tao.

   No amount of advertising polyphonic prose 
   Nor even the finest restauranteur, 
   Gluten has enough hormones for a woman to grow goatees
  Than super-sized fries and a fast food cow

      You're wondering why my belly grows, 
  Wheat bread and vintage bordeaux, 
 You won't see me on #DWTS or other ABC shows, 
    My belly's grown, can't reach my toes. 

Lethargy so intense that I must doze, 
  Razputin & avacados at my next Super Wal-Mart shopping spree.
   Quit the hormonal Kentucky Fried fowl, 
     And mood swings that turn into black clouds..

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rick London is an author, cartoonist and entrepreneur.
 He's been featured in The Wall St. Journal, ABC with
 Peter Jennings, CBS Morning With Paula Zahn,
 Bill O'Reilly, New York Daily News, Glamor Magazine,
 Playboy Magazine, PBS, NPR and many other media outlets.
 He is the founder and creator of Londons Times Cartoons
ranked Google and MSN's number one offbeat cartoon and
founder of Shoes That Amuse, the worlds only love quotation
shoes. He owns a number of cartoon stores that feature
 his images on over 100,000 products in such stores
as Rick London Collection and others. He and his fiance'
 Lee Hiller co-founded the full service web design
and seo firm Pen And Ink Inc,
and work together in the Ouichata mountains of Arkansas.
 Both are animal and nature lovers and active in both causes.
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I

Cartoonist Rick London Writes “The Junk Food Song..Supersized” Sung To “Bette Davis Eyes”

August 24, 2009

Supersized: The Junk Food Song” by Rick London C2009 To The Tune of Kim Carnes “Bette Davis Eyes

For my DF: Lee Hiller

The Real Bette Davis Would Have Avoided Fast Foods

Their arch is Harlow gold,
Deep grease with your french fries,
Big Macs trans-fat rancid and old
McDonald’s supersized.

A Happy Meal or two,
Will make you twice your size,
The size of Manhattan & Queens you’ll grow,
You too will be supersized.

Systolic at 192,
Diastolic 122
Enough cholesterol to make your face blue,
Whatever else is in it corporate stays hushed,
Want to know how to make your heart cry?
Try a box of Kentucky Deep Fried.

With belly so big your feet aren’t in sight,
From just some Popeyes’ chicken chewed to the bone
You’ve got pacydermic thighs.

A McDonald's Happy Meal?

Double Whopper for you,
Not one burger but twice till your arteries are goo,
Giving you Mt. Rushmore thighs.

Wendy’s you can’t fit into your shoes,
Ugg Boots no matter how hard you let your legs push,
Add on to that supersized fries,
You’ve got pacydermic thighs.

American Gotcha
American Gotcha

Arby’s fruit turnovers tease you,
And your sweet tooth,
Cholesterol so thick needs Cardio peer review,
Blood pressure flies higher than a brown thrush,
And a nice salad bar to soften the lies,
For your pacydermic thighs.
Londons Times Cartoons www.LondonsTimes.us
Domino’s comes to you,
A poison menu,
A cheesy ballyhoo.
Not much nutritional guise.

Healthy food will repose you,
Your blood flows through,
Those organs are part of you,
Why not try healthy food on for size?

——————————————————————————————–

Rick London is a writer and entrepreneur. His cartoon “Londons Times” has been the #1 ranked offbeat cartoon (Google rankings) since 2005. His website was founded in 1997 and has received over 8.5 million visitors since 2005. He founded Shoes That Amuse, the world’s only famous love quote shoes. He owns numerous funny gift shops bearing with gifts and collectibles bearing his offbeat cartoon images. He is the designer of actress Mariel Hemingway brand of licensed products. He is co-founder of PenAndInkInc an professional web design, branding and SEO firm which he founded with his fiancé’ Lee Hiller who is the love advice columnist of Herald de Paris.