Archive for the ‘comedy’ Category

Please, Leave BP (by Rick London) Sung To Please, Please Me (Beatles)

July 21, 2010

Please Leave Here BP by Rick London c2010 (Sung to Please, Please Me by The Beatles)

Dedicated To My Wife: Lee Hiller-London

What Bp’s done has made me want to hurl,
My Gulf now has no turrrrr-tles.
The whales are gone,
Please leave here BP, and take your crude.
Now to walk the beach we need haz-mat gloves,
. That you’ll begone,
Please leave here BP, and take your crude.

Now we get dispersement each time its rainin’,
Families & wildlife you have torn apart (torn apart),
Tourists stay home, they now have no reason,
It’s been that way, oh yea, since Deep Horizon blew.
Now your toxins are spreading round the world,
Into the Gulf’s currents they do swirl,
Please cease and desist, and take your crude.

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Rick London is a writer, cartoonist and designer as well as a parody song writer. He founded Londons Times Cartoons in 1997 which have become the #1 offbeat cartoon on the Internet. He also founded numerous funny gift shops featuring his cartoons on tees, mugs, etc. London is currently auditioning musicians/bands to record his parody songs (He has written 30 or so about BP). His goal is to write one per week until BP cleans up the entire gulf of oil and dispersement. He is donating his 50% of profits to Gulf causes.

A Londons Times (Panel Hollywood Series) Click To Enlarge

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Forward Of New Londons Times Cartoon Book By Philosopher Dr. Tom V. Morris

July 17, 2010

Why Cartoonists Shouldn't Drink (Click To Enlarge)

I was pretty sure I had arrived when America’s premiere (most brilliant)  philosopher Dr. Tom V. Morris, former professor of philosophy at Notre Dame for 2 decades, a Morehouse Scholar and founder of The Morris Institute Of Human Values asked me to write a review for the cover of his 21st book “Twisdom”, which I did.

So I knew I was taking a big chance when I asked Tom to write the forward for my first cartoon book “Our Favorites”  Londons Times Offbeat Cartoon Book celebrating our 13th Anniversary.

Here is what Tom wrote. I think it’s gorgeous. Thanks Tom……

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Dr. Tom V. Morris (Click To Enlarge)

I first met internet-wonder cartoon mogul Rick London, appropriately, on the internet, but more specifically, on Twitter. After several weeks of finding my way around that wild new world, a voice appeared in my Twitter Stream, a man with a strong, sparkling intelligence and a very good, finely warped sense of humor. I could depend on Rick to engage me with endlessly creative puns and inspire the same from me until the cows came in, and then I was sure he could concoct a cartoon about those cows that would be even funnier than the puns.

As a public philosopher, it’s my job to examine life, analyze the human condition, and comment about it all in ways that will raise people’s consciousness and perhaps provide new perspectives. Interestingly enough, that’s exactly what Rick, as a creator of cartoons, doesn’t except, he’s funnier. If Socrates had just learned to draw, or partnered up with a really good, offbeat illustrator, he might have been able to create and sell some books himself. And maybe then things would have ended a little better for him. It’s hard to poison someone who makes you laugh. One of the many hidden benefits of Rick’s job is that he doesn’t need a food taster or cupbearer to sniff out hemlock in his applesauce and white wine. The rest of us would rather slip in some vitamins to keep him going strong so he’ll be around for a very long time to continue to build his online cartoon empire.

The existentialists were on to something. Absurdity sells. The majority of Reality TV shows and most ongoing developments in contemporary politics prove this repeatedly. But intentional absurdity and revealingly funny absurdity that’s contrived to yield understanding is, of course, best of all. And that’s what we get in so many of the cartoons that Rick, as a creative Socratic midwife, has birthed over the years. An off kilter remark, or a creative juxtaposition, can evoke both a smile and an insight
in one quick moment.

Two of the deepest secrets to extraordinary success in life are creativity and collaboration. Rick lives them both, and his work shows the results. He is also a man of great kindness and personal loyalty and qualities that shine as brightly as his intellect, and are as rare as his philosophically prominent funny bone.

I heartily commend these pages to you. Laugh, think, and enjoy!

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Londons Times Cartoons Publishes 13th Anniversary Book

July 16, 2010

Founded in 1997 in a rural Ms warehouse, Londons Times has grown in 13 years to be one of the largest if not the largest inventory of offbeat cartoons on the Internet.

In 2005 Google ranked it the #1 cartoon where it has remained so ever since. In 2008, MSN also ranked it #1 and it remains so with MSN.

Today, on London’s 56th birthday, his first book “Our Favorites” was published, a compilation of what he considers his best cartoons from his collection into a picture book.

Founder Rick London says, “My wife Lee and I chose our favorite cartoons from our inventory. We decided to include 60 full page full color cartoons for the book, and create a series.

London continues to create cartoons with his Londons Times team and they appear on his main offbeat cartoons site

“Twitter” Parody Song by Rick London c2010 To Tune Of “Money” Pink Floyd

March 10, 2010

For my Love/DF @LeeHiller

Pink Floyd Another Time, But We Still Love Them

Twitter, Play or Flay,
Midnight In The Garden Of Good & Evil On Monitor Display.
Listen, its not Ebay.

Twitter, answer before your browser crashes,
You could be labeled a non-response snob with no

MY D/F Love @LeeHiller (And It may sound funny, but she's gonna get her money back! A doo doo doo doo doo doo...

following or fans,

200,000 followers might be time to clean an extreme Twitter Stream,
Someone just RT’d me with the Hawaii 5-0 theme,

Danno got the money back
But not before someone hacked my Twitter profile,
Keep your hands off her stash CNN-Tech Guru, Uh oh, here comes a “Cap Attack”.

My honey, she got hit,
But she got right up from the mat,
And “the player” doesn’t know but he’s oon be laying flat.

We have this fidelity,
Boring pay our bills no debt,
A newspaper from Nepal asks me if “I have any regrets”.

The Nepal News

(Sax and guitar solos)

Tis the right seasonings, its about thyme,
See my fair @Lee
But don’t take a slice of that pie.

My honey, was at Ebay,
Is the Internet’s Dr. Eveel,
Now she has her own brand here to stay.

Twitters a great place 4 monthly lifetime ties,
If nothing else it proves that life’s unfair,
Piper must be paid,
A MidSummer’s Day,
A sewerage Day,
Or a Spiritual Bouquet,
Twitters here to stay.
A Salute to Ev and Biz,
We know them to be very bright and alright.

A Princess Shines At The Oscars (Our Kathy Ireland)!!!!


Biz & Ev Brainstorming At Twitter (So we'll be nervous)

One Princess at Oscars Red Carpet got a deliberate slight,
The princess gave a designer jewelry left hook & Governor’s Ball smashing blow & super high rankings (and had just help renew/rebuild lives in Haiti)… some nuts at keyboards are cruisin’ for a bruisin.
“Yeah!”
Whey do some forget to think,
I know, they are really drunk all of the time.
Why he wasn’t coming up on freely, after Lee was twittering in CAPS and
Screaming and telling him why he wasn’t coming up on freely.
It came as a heavy blow, but others to his surprise, will sort the matter out.

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Aside from being a parody songwriter Rick London is founder of the Internet’s #1 offbeat cartoon, Londons Times.  He also founded the world’s only famous love quote shoes, ShoesThatAmuse.com, and is a fashion brand designer for actress/author Mariel Hemingway Collectibles. Rick owns numerous licensed image cartoon collectible shops that sell tees, cards, mugs etc featuring his “out there” cartoons.

Life Coach’s Are Rats (by Rick London c2009) Sung to Al Stewart’s “Year Of The Cat”

December 26, 2009

For my  DF/Love Lee Hiller

Good Kitty

On the morning of a life coach program the entrance fee is free,
The jest of the speech is material accumulation and a myriad of slime,
At the end of the program $5000 packaged programs and you’re sorry,
Feeling an accessory to a crime.

She comes out from backstage with fake Rolex so stunning,
Thinking the audience has no brains,
Then she wonders why on Twitter that she shunned,
She’ll mutter something about Newton’s inertia reference frame,
But she smells like a rat.

She only has a sec for questions,
And prefers Mastercard or bank transfers,
She counts on you to be dense with no direction,
Till your bank balance disappears.

Fear Of The Rat

You later find better advice on public bathroom stalls,
And you realize like so many others you’ve been screwed,
The BS was so thick you could cut it with a knife,
So you sip another brew,
Cheers to the year of the rat.

Well she counts her cash so cruely,
Smiling like another Macy’s shopping spree,
Your migraine now is grueling,
So you tweet her, but her only answer is snide,
I can’t help being a rat.

Well the morning comes and you’d like to believe her,
But the bozos on that bus are gone.
You’d like to form a group and start a line of pickets,
But the life coach took all their funds.

Lots Are Becoming Life Coaches Yes Even Danny Bonaduci

You try to think back at a filthier stain,
But the life coach leaves a permanent decay,
Repackaged ancient wisdom is the game she lives for.
They make Michael Madoff seem okay,
To a life coach you’re a doormat.

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Rick London is a writer, designer and cartoonist. He founded and creates Londons Times Cartoons, the nets #1 ranked offbeat cartoon. He launched Shoes That Amuse, the world’s only famous love quote shoes which have been featured in media worldwide. He has written over 650 published magazine articles and is brand designer for Mariel Hemingway Healthy Gifts.  His funny gift stores contain over 70,000 funny tees funny mugs and other funny gifts such as LT Superstore and Rick London Collection.  London is engaged to designer Lee Hiller who designs and sells unique gifts at her online store.

“Gluten” by Rick London Sung To “Something” by The Beatles

November 16, 2009

Gluten” Parody Song by Rick London c2009
 To The Tune Of “Something” by The Beatles

                            Dedicated to my DF Lee Hiller whom I love. Also
                            dedicated to our true friend Mariel Hemingway who cared
                             enough to educate us back to a healthy lifestyle.



beatles  tall 3333

Gluten-Free Beatles

    Gluten's put in food so starch will be removed,  A Latin word for “glue” & try to recover,
 It has prolamins to give you celiac disease
   You could use a box of Blisscuits now,
      So you don't lose your entire Tao.

   No amount of advertising polyphonic prose 
   Nor even the finest restauranteur, 
   Gluten has enough hormones for a woman to grow goatees
  Than super-sized fries and a fast food cow

      You're wondering why my belly grows, 
  Wheat bread and vintage bordeaux, 
 You won't see me on #DWTS or other ABC shows, 
    My belly's grown, can't reach my toes. 

Lethargy so intense that I must doze, 
  Razputin & avacados at my next Super Wal-Mart shopping spree.
   Quit the hormonal Kentucky Fried fowl, 
     And mood swings that turn into black clouds..

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Rick London is an author, cartoonist and entrepreneur.
 He's been featured in The Wall St. Journal, ABC with
 Peter Jennings, CBS Morning With Paula Zahn,
 Bill O'Reilly, New York Daily News, Glamor Magazine,
 Playboy Magazine, PBS, NPR and many other media outlets.
 He is the founder and creator of Londons Times Cartoons
ranked Google and MSN's number one offbeat cartoon and
founder of Shoes That Amuse, the worlds only love quotation
shoes. He owns a number of cartoon stores that feature
 his images on over 100,000 products in such stores
as Rick London Collection and others. He and his fiance'
 Lee Hiller co-founded the full service web design
and seo firm Pen And Ink Inc,
and work together in the Ouichata mountains of Arkansas.
 Both are animal and nature lovers and active in both causes.
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I

Iphone Song Parody Published by Rick London

October 26, 2009

Iphone” by Rick London Song Parody to the tune of “My Girl” by The Temptations

temptations

Iphone by Rick London c2009

Direct from Apple or even on Ebay,
Internet tethering..cut, copy and paste,
They took a survey,
Iphone or Blue-beraaa,
Iphone (Iphone, Iphone),
Talkin’ into my (Iphone) (Iphone).

I can have video or graphics in 3D,
On the Iphone You can tap or call to speak,
I like the GPS display,
My Iphone is here to stay,
Iphone (Iphone, Iphone),
Talkin’ into my Iphone (Iphone).

Bought it on Ebay,
Ebay,
Sold.

Now other cellphones are all the same,
Even my Motorola is such a shame,
New or refurbished on Ebay,
Surf with my tiny cyber bouquet,
Iphone (Iphone, Iphone),
Talkin’ into my Iphone (Iphone).

temptations iphone

Whether its business or video games to play,
On my Iphone.
My Iphone is here to stay,
My Iphone (fade)

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In addition to being a parody songwriter, Rick London is founder of Londons Times Cartoons, Google’s number one ranked offbeat cartoon

since 2005, and the Rick London Collection, another Google #1 ranking which features his cartoons on funny gifts and collectibles.

“Charge It” New Parody To Ray Charles “Georgia” By Rick London

September 10, 2009

Charge It” to Ray Charles “Georgia” Song Parody by Rick London c2009

dave_xray

For my Df @LeeHiller

Charge it, Charge it,
Even when my Visa bill’s due,
And I know it’s wrong,
But charge it, and it’s mine.

I say Charge it,
Charge it,
Amex says they’ll sue,
I’ve become a credit engineer,
From Ebay vintage, to Tom Morris’ “Twisdom” on Amazon I find.

The first day Mastercard came to me,
Retail doors opened thought I’d never see,
Turned my credit rating into debris,

I said Charge it,
Ohh Charge it,
Buicks or thongs,
Can Charge it, and its mine.

All the things I could buy for Lee,
As if we were the bourgeoisie
Until 30 days it seems like free,
Until the bill is due.

ray charles 2 piano winding

Charge it,
Charge it,
Doesn’t all of mankind?
Is this new 10K teak table so wrong?
I just charged it, it was mine.

When the economy’s not strong,
I can charge it, and it’s mine.

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In addition to being a parody songwriter, Rick London is founder of Google’s #1 ranked offbeat cartoon, Londons Times.  He owns numerous funny gifts shops including Rick London Gifts which sell his licensed cartoon gifts on tees, mugs, etc. Along with his fiance’ Lee Hiller, they founded and operate a professional SEO and web design firm known as Pen And Ink Inc.

“Twitterville” Song Parody by Rick London to Jimmy Buffett’s “Margaritaville”

September 8, 2009

“Wastin’ Away Again In Twitterville” by Rick London c2009 (Song Parody to the tune of Jimmy Buffett’s Wastin’ Away Again in Margaritaville”

For My DF @LeeHillerjimmy buffett

Twitterin’ for Twit’s sake,
Do I see a venomous snake?
Of which of our projects will they try to foil?
My followin’s on upswing,
Then Twitter’s porn sting,
I fall from 7,000 back down to two.

Chorus:

Networking away again in Twitterville,
Makin friends and avoiding assaults,
Some of them edit my RT’s, with their usernames,
Twitter promises it will come to a halt.

Wonder what is the reason,
Social networking all season,
Stuck like a honey-jar on Winnie The Poo
I found a real beauty,
An Oregon cutie,
And a love like hers is long overdue.

Chorus:
Finding my way around in Twitterville,
Friends like these just can’t be bought,
Some people searchin’ for money and fame,
And that stinks,
Hell, it’s a cyber-assault.

One actor’s show flopped,
She twitted it nonstop,
I think it was a sequel to “Romancing The Stone”,
No One to defend her
No box-office legal tender,
Could anything be worse than leaving Hollywood’s  “A”-List throne?
jimmy buffett cartoon parrot
Chasin’ the nuts away in Twitterville,
Tryin’ to keep my friends that are earthy salt,
I wrote a quote that  a life-coach self-claimed,
How very lame; It’s my own damned fault.
Yes and some people say there’s a life coach to blame,
“Philosophy-lite” pay them its your own damned fault.

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Rick London is a writer and entrepreneur. He founded Londons Times Cartoons which has been Google’s #1 ranked cartoons and offbeat cartoon gifts since 2005. He owns several other net ventures as well. He is engaged to America’s Favorite Love Columnist, Lee Hiller. Follow them on Twitter. @RickLondon and @LeeHiller Together they founded the web design and ethical SEO team of PenAndInkInc.com


Cartoonist Rick London Writes “The Junk Food Song..Supersized” Sung To “Bette Davis Eyes”

August 24, 2009

Supersized: The Junk Food Song” by Rick London C2009 To The Tune of Kim Carnes “Bette Davis Eyes

For my DF: Lee Hiller

The Real Bette Davis Would Have Avoided Fast Foods

Their arch is Harlow gold,
Deep grease with your french fries,
Big Macs trans-fat rancid and old
McDonald’s supersized.

A Happy Meal or two,
Will make you twice your size,
The size of Manhattan & Queens you’ll grow,
You too will be supersized.

Systolic at 192,
Diastolic 122
Enough cholesterol to make your face blue,
Whatever else is in it corporate stays hushed,
Want to know how to make your heart cry?
Try a box of Kentucky Deep Fried.

With belly so big your feet aren’t in sight,
From just some Popeyes’ chicken chewed to the bone
You’ve got pacydermic thighs.

A McDonald's Happy Meal?

Double Whopper for you,
Not one burger but twice till your arteries are goo,
Giving you Mt. Rushmore thighs.

Wendy’s you can’t fit into your shoes,
Ugg Boots no matter how hard you let your legs push,
Add on to that supersized fries,
You’ve got pacydermic thighs.

American Gotcha
American Gotcha

Arby’s fruit turnovers tease you,
And your sweet tooth,
Cholesterol so thick needs Cardio peer review,
Blood pressure flies higher than a brown thrush,
And a nice salad bar to soften the lies,
For your pacydermic thighs.
Londons Times Cartoons www.LondonsTimes.us
Domino’s comes to you,
A poison menu,
A cheesy ballyhoo.
Not much nutritional guise.

Healthy food will repose you,
Your blood flows through,
Those organs are part of you,
Why not try healthy food on for size?

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Rick London is a writer and entrepreneur. His cartoon “Londons Times” has been the #1 ranked offbeat cartoon (Google rankings) since 2005. His website was founded in 1997 and has received over 8.5 million visitors since 2005. He founded Shoes That Amuse, the world’s only famous love quote shoes. He owns numerous funny gift shops bearing with gifts and collectibles bearing his offbeat cartoon images. He is the designer of actress Mariel Hemingway brand of licensed products. He is co-founder of PenAndInkInc an professional web design, branding and SEO firm which he founded with his fiancé’ Lee Hiller who is the love advice columnist of Herald de Paris.