Archive for the ‘Business’ Category

Five Ways Online Retailers Can Survive The Summer (Beyond Twitter & facebook)

July 8, 2010

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There ain’t no cure for the summertime retail blues….or is there? Historically, retailers dread the

summer as far as sales are concerned. Some even close shop for long periods of time. I remember

one brick and mortar store that closed the entire summer. People just don’t want to go out

in the sweltering heat.

One might think that would be an advantage to the online retailer and in many ways it is, if he/she

wants it to be. People are still people and we are creatures of habit so we tend to sock away extra

funds to start buying in September through early December for holiday gifts.

There are ways an online retailer can help him or herself as well as clients by keeping up with

trends.

One might have to live on Mars to know that the economy is suffering; and, even then chances are

the news has saturated other planets. Face it folks, it’s rough.

But people still will buy gifts and collectibles. What can a retailer do to fill that void. My stores

decided to drop most of its items that retail for over $25 and focus more on items that run from

the $.99  to $15 range. Yes we still cater to those who prefer the more expensive gifts, but our

cartoon postcards,  buttons, magnets, and basic tees are shipped worldwide daily. The economy

has affected everyone  everywhere, but, if the retailer listens to what the customer wants, the

customer will buy.

With millions of online retail stores on the Internet, how does one become a squeaky wheel? There

are lots of ways to do so. I am doing one now by writing an article. But one can’t just write an

article and “they will come”. The article has to offer at least a few pieces of information of value to

both the retailer and client.

Many simply focus on Twitter, “talk” to “friends” and feel that does the trick. Same with facebook.

Both couldn’t be further from the truth. Backlinks are what drives people to ones site, and they

can,in fact be found on Twitter and facebook, if the member places them there, but also in articles

and article directories, blogs and blog directories, social bookmarking sites, pinging their blogs,

and  a multitude of other proven techniques that put the social marketer head and heals above the

basic Twitterer or facebook fanatic. I am not putting down those social networks. I use them

and do so successfully. I have just come to know they are not “magic” and if one puts all his/her

eggs in their baskets, they end up branding Twitter and Facebook more than they do themselves.

Some still use ppc (pay per click) advertising such as Google Adwords, MSN Search etc. They

can be very effective, and I used to use them, but with all the free opportunities to use backlinks

to ones shop, and even more specifically to a particular product, and even a place for keyword

tags, I see paid ads as becoming somewhat outdated. I could be wrong; but I’d prefer to write an

article or a blog with a backlink. It is free, and is another expense I don’t have (advertising) giving

me yet another reason to keep the prices lower to the end buyer.

If the idea of article marketing, tweaking or even changing your sites keywords and metatags,

pinging, twitter blasts, twitter scheduled regular tweets, facebook management, blog and web

upkeep boggles the mind, it is not only a good idea, it is mandatory to find a professional

affordable web promotion firm.

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Rick London is a cartoonist, writer, designer, and online retailer.  He founded Londons Times Cartoons in 1997.  It has been the #1 Google ranked offbeat cartoon since 2005 and MSN #1 ranked since 2008. London founded the world’s only famous love quote shoes, ShoesThatAmuse.com in 2007 which has been featured in USA Today and worldwide on the AP Wire. He owns numerous online shops featuring his #1 cartoon on funny tees, cards, mugs etc such as RickLondonCollection.com.  London owns the premiere SEO marketing firm with his wife Lee Hiller-London which offers affordable web promotion and design,   Pen and Ink, Inc.   He is a native of the Ms. Gulf Coast and donates a percentage of each sale to Gulf Wildlife and other animal causes.

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“How Can We Ask BP To Depart” (Song Parody) Tune Of Bee Gees “Mend A Broken Heart” by Rick London

June 27, 2010

How Can We Ask BP To Depart?” (Song Parody by Rick London 2010) To The Tune Of The Bee Gees “How Do You Mend A Broken Heart?”

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Dedicated to my wife Lee Hiller-London

I sit in front of cable news with my wife,
Was everything a man could want to do. And watch how BP puts the screws,
I could never see For all the wildlife & those who fish there is not tomorrow.

Black sand…Isn’t it time for BP to depart?
Now that the birds are a gooey brown.
They say August or if storms, in the spring.
They polluted the entire Mississippi Sound.
How will they bring back our white sands?
If we criticize they just chagrin.
Please help return, the sea turtles, and all that swim with fins.

Whatever BP touches once healthy is now diseased,
Even the endangered sperm whales are fried.
Those who once worked will now have to do a lifetime of borrowing……

And, Why won’t BP take Deep Horizon apart,
Just count its losses and leave town.
Forgot politics this is not left or right wing.
You’re thin veneer TV campaign does not confound.
Will we ever get our beaches back to tan?
Will we ever again see a brown peli-can,
How much longer does BP think we’ll just take it on the chin?

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Rick London is a writer, designer and cartoonist. He founded Londons Times Cartoons in 1997 which has become Google’s and MSN’s #1 ranked offbeat cartoon with over 4500 images.
He also founded the #1 offbeat cartoon gift shops one of which is The Rick London Collection.  London has a goal to write one BP parody song per week until BP plugs Deep Horizon and cleans the entire Gulf Coast.   Please send audios, videos, or links to info@LondonsTimes.us. 100% of Londons half benefits various Gulf Coast causes. The band is not required to contribute but may.

We’ll Make It Right (By Rick London c2010) BP Song

June 17, 2010

We’ll Make It Right by Rick London c2010 Song Parody To the Tune of Manfred Mann’s “Blinded By The Light”

We’ll make it right, does BP think we’re all douche bags, the tv ads are getting trite,
We’ll make it right, we know its a ruse, BP attorneys prepping for a fight.
We’ll make it right. Tell that to the pelicans that can’t move, or fish that died in their plight.

Incompetent riggers cause emotional triggers, BP said 1000 barrels a day. We smelled a rat.

Even Halliburton Told-er but BP was feeling bolder, then drilled deep into the ocean ground

Then in a warm Gulf summer breeze, 11 men were nowhere to be found

Even though BP said Deep Horizone was surely sound.

They broke every law,
Their spilling greasy juice to the Gulf Coast was such a blight,
We’ll make it right. They said dispersants would make such a pretty sight.
We’ll make it right. Drilled in spite of engineer’s red light.
We’ll make it right. I’ve got a nifty British accent so you know I’m so polite.

BP’s got 10-minute trained skimmers, to get the oil off our dinner. Now we fish from rivers & lakes

BP might hang around & do right what they’ve done wrong, after all 20 billion’s at stake,
But don’t start feeling sorry, they don’t have to borrow, 2 billion a month is their take,
So Want My Life Back Hayward was feeling kind of wayward, and acting like he was sure on our side,
But with baby blues a cryin’, I’m tellin’ you Tony’s lyin’, he’s about to take us for more of a ride,

They say we must be….
Blinded by their lies, while they rot our labor’s fruits in the middle of the night,
We’ll make it right.

Maybe if we’re lucky Shell or Conoco/Phillips
Will acquire BP, before they fall out of sight.
To clean up this toxic waste site.

—— guitar solo ——

Maybe its time we get out of the oil biz,
And look for alternative energies like coconut fizz
Plumes of oil are all ove The Gulf thanks to the BP plumes
Please make it clean again from Florida to Louisiana and good Ole Ms.
We’ve got an addiction to 10W30 & its making air dirty & you know we must be released,
There are no rehab clinics, we’ve got to bear and grin it, and get rid of the ugly beast.
The resources are there, hybrid cars from here to France, we just need someone to finance,
It sounds so forlorn to rely on oil from corn but someone’s gotta give it a chance,
It’s clean and safe and no oil to muck around.

BP said they……
Will make things right…..they’ll put a bandaid on it and get on a British Airways flight.
We will make it right. And if you believe us we’ll sell you a rig at Grand Isle late one night.

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{the following two sections are sung simultaneously}

(7 Times)) ~ We will make it right.~Every grain of sand will be whiter than white
~ We will make it right,

2) ~Repeat 1st Verse

Any employee that squeals on BP will get fired

They’re using intimidation, fear and fright.

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Rick London is a writer, designer and cartoonist.  He founded Londons Times Cartoons in 1997 which has been Google’s#1 ranked offbeat cartoon since 2005 and MSN’s #1 since 2008. Londons Times remains number one as do London’s offbeat cartoon gift shops.  London created this cartoon and manufactured about 40 products that can be purchased online. 10% of all sales benefit The Audobon Society and WWF.

Small People (The BP Song) C2010 by Rick London

June 17, 2010

 Small People Got Nobody (The BP Song)
by Rick London C2010 to the tune of
Randy Newman's “Short People”

                                                  For My Wife Lee Hiller-London


  We got oily hands & birds that can't fly, 
 All from BP's (Big People) press release of lies,
  Some beaches still clean but its a nightmare underneath
 Who knows the disease lurking at 5000 feet.

{Refrain}
 Well, BP (Big People) loves their small people,
        Creates escrows for small people, 
         Just when we thought BP had no more bull, 
                       They say the coast is clear.

      On Facebook all BP has no feedback, just replies, 
              They won't tell us Louisiana oyster beds are dry,
  We from the Gulf know they care not if we live or die, 
          It's not our parent's world.

    We're small people just worker bees, 
                       Help us God above. 

     There's a few crab legs left but taste like petrol, 
  By the end of this no tellin' how much BP 'll owe, 
 Be sure to lawyer up and don't fall asleep
      Hayward wants his life back, what a nasty little creep.
 They try to bar us from our beaches; have they lost
their minds?
  I think all the execs outta be servin' Parchman
 Prison time.
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Rick London was born and raised on the Ms. Gulf Coast. He created this cartoon and manufactured it on about 40 gifts and collectibles, tees, mugs, etc. 10% of all sales benefit The Audobon Society and WWF to help what London says "Heal and salvage what wildlife remains on our precious Gulf that BP whose lives B.P. recklessly destroyed."

Life Coach’s Are Rats (by Rick London c2009) Sung to Al Stewart’s “Year Of The Cat”

December 26, 2009

For my  DF/Love Lee Hiller

Good Kitty

On the morning of a life coach program the entrance fee is free,
The jest of the speech is material accumulation and a myriad of slime,
At the end of the program $5000 packaged programs and you’re sorry,
Feeling an accessory to a crime.

She comes out from backstage with fake Rolex so stunning,
Thinking the audience has no brains,
Then she wonders why on Twitter that she shunned,
She’ll mutter something about Newton’s inertia reference frame,
But she smells like a rat.

She only has a sec for questions,
And prefers Mastercard or bank transfers,
She counts on you to be dense with no direction,
Till your bank balance disappears.

Fear Of The Rat

You later find better advice on public bathroom stalls,
And you realize like so many others you’ve been screwed,
The BS was so thick you could cut it with a knife,
So you sip another brew,
Cheers to the year of the rat.

Well she counts her cash so cruely,
Smiling like another Macy’s shopping spree,
Your migraine now is grueling,
So you tweet her, but her only answer is snide,
I can’t help being a rat.

Well the morning comes and you’d like to believe her,
But the bozos on that bus are gone.
You’d like to form a group and start a line of pickets,
But the life coach took all their funds.

Lots Are Becoming Life Coaches Yes Even Danny Bonaduci

You try to think back at a filthier stain,
But the life coach leaves a permanent decay,
Repackaged ancient wisdom is the game she lives for.
They make Michael Madoff seem okay,
To a life coach you’re a doormat.

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Rick London is a writer, designer and cartoonist. He founded and creates Londons Times Cartoons, the nets #1 ranked offbeat cartoon. He launched Shoes That Amuse, the world’s only famous love quote shoes which have been featured in media worldwide. He has written over 650 published magazine articles and is brand designer for Mariel Hemingway Healthy Gifts.  His funny gift stores contain over 70,000 funny tees funny mugs and other funny gifts such as LT Superstore and Rick London Collection.  London is engaged to designer Lee Hiller who designs and sells unique gifts at her online store.

“Hotel California” Parody “Life Coaches They Don’t Warn Ya” Parody Song By Rick London c2009

August 26, 2009

“Hotel California” Parody “Life Coaches Let Me Warn Ya” Parody by Rick London c2009

twitter 1 life coach used car salesman

For My DF: Lee Hiller


I was tweeting one day, saw what could be a snare
Life coaches planning toxic tweet-ups, with big bucks & visualization prayers

With shimmering books and pricey videos, Free info any minister would give at first sight,
Said the way I was living, was just a big sin,

Salvation via The Life Coach Way, & I would see the light.But all they offer is free on Wiki,

Or the Bible on the shelf,

They still said their colorfully package paraphernalia would,
Help me avoid the highway to hell.
These self-absorbed bandits, said they’d show me the way,
Just by focusing on desires I adored,
And clean out my un-spiritual cache.

twitter 1 life coach ambition poster 2222

There’s life coaches on Twitter, don’t say I didn’t warn ya,
A forced smiling face,
A trespass on the case,
There’s life coaches on Twitter, don’t say I didn’t warn ya,
They’ll instill some fear,
Their “gift’s” no Frankincense and Myrrh

And then once you’re enlisted, the grin turns into shark fins,
But wait this one says she speaks for God, so she says with a grin,
Misleading maneuvers in the background, but Twitter icon silhouette,
Just know she’ll take you for everything, or at least all she can get.
twitter 1 life coach leadership poster
So I called on my God, who lives within,
But the coach said that I needed more and asked me not to whine,
Packaged information I could get for free was only $4999.
And her snake oil was brewing like a garlic bouquet,
Motivational mantras just a little trite,
Throw in some ancient cliches’

Life coaches only want adornment from ya,
Compliment their lovely face (and their Twitter follow-base,
They are on the take.
Purveyin’ information allegedly as mystical as Ka,
But it’s only lies, Only lies
twitter 1 life coach success posterShould be criminalized

Ruffled as a spurious wing,
Instincts say “Please think twice”,
Before becoming a prisoner, of a transparent rhetorical device,
In hopes no money transfers,
To this unemployed leech,
They would sell their mothers, kids, and wives,
With an Elmer Gantry speech.

At last I remembered, I have equal protection of the laws,
Have always coached my own life before,
Not paying cash for this “verbal crack”,
From a condescending bore,
The best wisdom and advice from man,
And programs free to receive.
Life Coaches go down the Twitter pike,
Causing one to heave….

twitter 1 life coach snl character

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Rick London is a writer and entrepreneur. In 1997, London founded what is now (since 2005) Google’s #1-ranked offbeat cartoon . He later went on to launch Shoes That Amuse, the only footwear featuring famous love quotations. He is the designer for Mariel Hemingway licensed gifts and collectibles. He is engaged to HeralddeParis love columnist Lee Hiller and together they own the professional SEO, Branding & Professional Web Design Firm  PenAndInkInc.

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