“The Twitter Song” (To the tune of “American Pie”) by Rick London c2009

American Pie Cartoon

American Pie Cartoon

The Twitter Song: The Day The Retweets Died” (To the tune of Don McClean’s “American Pie”)

by Rick London c2009

Dedicated to my DF Lee Hiller

A techno wiz-kid with a mind of dough,
Thought up this thing “Twitter”,
And investors said it “was worthwhile”.
Now millions daily at PC’s in a trance,
Twitter keeping Biz Stone financed,
And impress the masses and beguile.

What facebook promised Twitter delivered,
MySpace sits still while it shivers,
Waiting for a misstep
How could 140 be so in-depth?

Social networks I had tried,
An empty vacuum my words did ride,
2000 followers and its too hard to hide,
Twitter’s Alexa rankings can’t be denied.

So Twitter quietly slip-slided by,
One can tweet with high speeds
Drinking chamomile tea,
A new network evolves with every trick that’s been tried,
Bringing half-truths and full lies,
Gotta give ’em credit for tryin’.

Did you retweet my quote on “love”?,
Or my tweet on God above?
Is your following about to grow?
Have you encountered fail-whale throes?
Has a Life Coach saved your mortal soul.
Can you teach me how to tweet like a pro?

On Twitter Kabbalah’s mighty “in”,
. But don’t preach to me with just prelims,
You might make me just snooze,
With your zealot “spiritual” ruse.

I would prefer to not upchuck,
If you think its a pick up bar you’re outta luck,

But if it quacks like a duck,
It’s the day, the retweets died.

Whats Twitter bringing?
. Twitters like Mom and Apple Pie,
There’s no taxes that are levied,
Government won’t even try,
Ploys don’t last long on the Twitter ride,
But real business surely does a fine job,
Stick with them and you won’t get robbed.

You can even tweet now from your phone,

Again courtesy of our friend Biz Stone,
But it causes a bit of agony,
And as the icons roll down the screen,
It feels like TweetDeck’s about to scream,
But there you’ll find something to retweet.

Twitter services crop up with Twits renown,
And weird maneuvering goes to town,
Did you join a bad network, an ill turn?
Or did you just get burned?
Someone tweeted a remark,
A conversation then was sparked,
Cyber-animals on Noah’s Ark,
The day, the retweets died.

We were pinging,
Our blogs and things to catch others eyes,
We’re all separated by 6 degrees,
In 140 characters you replied,
Don’t you wonder what it was they implied?
. As you float away like Captain Bligh,
This is just the way retweets die.

An obscure “agent” comes to woo her,
An author with a best-seller for sure,
Saturating Google & Hollywood starts to cast.
. The book shattered like broken glass,
The agent tried for yet another free pass,
With a final tweet of blocked and passed.

Now the budding Twitterers were all abloom,
. Not giving away the farm too soon,
No annuities in advance.
The “agent” didn’t stand a chance.
Such oddities one tweet reveals,
Alas nobody paid the bill,
Do you recall drama stood still?
The day her retweets died.

And she was pinging,
. I’m back at facebook but I surely did try,
I thought Twitter liked me,
But my following dried,
While CNN and Ashton moved high,
Was the same day my retweets died,
I turned off the pc and cried.

Oh, and I even considered back to MySpace,
But would have been a generation out of place,
Another funky icon with a grin,
So Twitter softly, carry a big stick,
But twitter something in your niche,
Cause nobody knows quite where you’ve been.

When I unfollowed I watched him in a rage,
I sat there twittering so unfazed,
On Twitter con games one can tell,
Not even searching the Holy Grail.
And as the tweets went into the night,
Spammers pitched DM’s in delight,
Lovers tweeted and got it right,
The day, the retweets died.

He was pinging,
Twitter till your fingers run dry,
Twitter helps you be all that you can be.
Retweets are mighty fine.
Twitterers from here to Nepal had their eyes on the prize,
Pinging blogs with backlinks on the side,
Pinging blogs, that took us for a ride.

I met a girl when I was blue,
She said my profile background was not happy news,
I just frowned and said “another day”.
But she told me the real score,
The rest of the tale is not folklore,
And I’ll love her ’till the end of my days.

And in the tweets our love it screams,
As we slide down the current of Twitstream,
We didn’t fix the unbroken,
. The church bells were our token,
And the social network I admire the most,
Gives me 140 characters at most,
No room to embellish or boast,
. Twitters such a great ride.

And some are pinging,
I’ve got a blog for your eyes,
Can’t you be there with me
Nothing’s for free ya know I cannot lie.
And half of them goods are just pie in the sky,
But you know you don’t have to reply,
. Just tweet forward with a bright eye.

My ears were ringing,
My, my, another twitterer cries,
Someone blocked and abandoned me,
But its ok I’ll stay in denial,
May fix the pain with some whiskey and rye,
. With my fingers on the keyboard till I die.


Rick London is a writer, cartoonist, and entrepreneur. He founded Google’s #1 ranked offbeat cartoon, Londons times and many of its peripheral funny gift shops. He also is a songwriter.


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2 Responses to ““The Twitter Song” (To the tune of “American Pie”) by Rick London c2009”

  1. Davis Says:

    That’s really good stuff. Just hope Twitter fad doesn’t last as long as that song did

  2. Lee Hiller Says:

    To My Darling Fiance Rick, As always you have written an amazing parody and shown you are a Man of extraordinary talents. This one is especially important as you have immortalized our meeting on Twitter and honored me with a dedication. I am so blessed to be your woman and never take for granted how lucky I am to be Loved by You. You are the Man I Love with all with all my Heart and Soul. Love Your Darling Fiance Lee xx00xx

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